How to Answer Why Questions Kids Ask (Even When You Don't Know)

“Why is the sky blue?” “Why do worms come out when it rains?” “Why is the Moon following us?” Children ask a great many questions, and few adults can answer them all. The good news is that a perfect answer isn’t the goal. Helping a child think is.

The question ladder

Think of a question as a ladder with steps you can climb together. When a child asks “why”, try these in order. You don’t need all of them each time.

Notice. “What do you see happening?”
Guess. “What do you think is going on?”
Test. “How could we check?”
Look up. “Where could we find out more?”
Explain back. “Can you tell me what we found out?”

The first three steps often take only a minute, and children frequently reach a decent idea of their own before you say anything. Steps 4 and 5 turn a loose question into something they remember.

“What do you notice?” is a powerful reply

This question works on almost everything. If a child asks why a puddle has gone, ask, “Where was it yesterday? What’s the weather been like? What’s different about that spot?” You are not dodging. You’re helping them collect clues, which is how scientists begin.

Be specific when you can: “What do you notice about the size?” “What do you notice about the sound?”

Keep it short for small children

For a four- or five-year-old, a “why” is often a way of staying in conversation. One short true sentence is enough. “Because the Sun warms the ground and the water dries up into the air.” If they ask “why” again, answer in another sentence, then turn it around: “What do you think happens to the water after that?”

When to look it up together

Some questions can’t be tested at the kitchen table: why the sky is blue, how far away a star is, how a volcano works. For these:

Say you’ll look it up together. Don’t pretend you know.
Use a children’s reference book or a reputable source, and read it together.
Ask the child to explain it back in their own words, or draw it.
Check one detail with something nearby, for example, “It says the Sun is lower in winter. Is our shadow longer?”
Write the question and answer in a notebook or a question jar.

If two sources disagree, that’s a useful lesson in itself. Say, “Interesting, let’s see which one gives its evidence.”

How to say “I don’t know”

Many adults feel uncomfortable saying this, but it’s one of the most useful phrases in learning. Try versions like:

“I don’t know. That’s a good one.”
“I’m not sure. What’s your guess?”
“I don’t know, but I know how we could find out.”
“I think it’s this, but let’s check, because I might be wrong.”

Then actually follow through. A question that’s “saved for later” and forgotten teaches children that questions don’t matter. A question jar or a “to find out” list on the fridge helps.

What if you’re pretty sure of the answer?

Don’t hand it over too quickly. A good rule is to ask one question before you answer: “What do you think?” Even a wrong guess tells you what the child is thinking, and you can build from there. If a child has a misconception, such as “the Moon only comes out at night”, gently invite them to test it: “Let’s look in the afternoon sometime.”

Keep answers honest and age-appropriate

Don’t invent a story to end the conversation.
Use simple true words, and say “scientists think” when the topic is still debated.
It’s fine to say it’s complicated and that they’ll learn more when they’re older.
Avoid giving answers you’re unsure about as facts.

Build a habit

Pick a regular moment, such as dinner or bedtime, to share “the best question of the day”. Over time, children start to ask better questions because they know questions are welcome.

More to try

Our post on questions to ask during science experiments has ready-to-use prompts. For a hands-on answer to a classic child’s question, try Where Do Rainbows Come From?, and read our parents page to see how lessons are built around questions.